As part of our ongoing attempt to ‘learn about human beings’, we routinely observe them (spying) from a distance. That’s what we did today; it was my turn (Bunny) to take notes.

There’s a trailer park not too far from where we live. Today we observed a family having a birthday party for one of their children. They had colorful balloons and twisty crepe paper streamers. No piñatas. Two mini-vans and a Volkswagen car arrived with three families (8 kids total) in them. Then the daddy-of-the-trailer took out a small-size inflatable swimming pool and blew that up with a foot-pump. The kids stood around and watched and apparently when you are 4 or 8 years old this is exciting. When he was done they put some water in the pool (not much) and then the daddy blew up little inflatable things that went around the kids’ arms and then they all jumped around in the tiny pool, making much splashing. Then the daddy took out an inflatable slide that was maybe about 5 feet tall and shaped like a killer whale. He blew that one up with the same foot pump. We all thought that his leg must be getting very tired. When he was done with that the kids lost interest in the small swimming pool and they all started using the slide. Then all the adults went in and the kids were playing by themselves for a long time (we thought that was very dangerous but none of them died or anything). Then for some reason the bigger kids decided to make the smallest child sit in the pool while they tried to flip it over. They struggled with that for a while (the small child stayed put) and finally they figured out how to get the side bent down and then the water gushed out. Then the wind picked up the pool and it blew away real fast like a huge kite. Must be the small kid wasn’t in it by then. All in all we enjoyed their birthday party.

~ Bunny

Lately we’ve been having an escalating ant problem. Not with my ants (my AntFarm™ ants) but for some reason the ‘wild’ ant population around here seems to have quadrupled in the past month or so. They’ve been getting in our food, they try to make nests among our books and papers - today I even found some walking on our computer. When I opened up the computer case I totally freaked out - they were moving in! (carrying baby ants in, etc.) Gross! I’m sure a thousand ants living in the computer would make it crash and then we’d lose all our data. I shut down the computer, I told them to leave immediately; they ignored me and kept on bringing more ant-stuff. I tried to brush them away with a feather duster but then they just ran all over the place and made me all confused and panicky. It was insane, there were just too many of them. I followed their ant trail outside to their giant ant nest and when I saw that there were several thousand more of them out there, I realized that I really had to do something to stop them. I mean, I love ants, but these ants are sort of like out-of-control or something, and we can’t have them destroying our computers (we can’t make The Pinky Show without computers). So Bunny and I walked into town and… (*gulp*) bought some ant poison. I feel so awful even saying that. When we came back I said a prayer and we dropped a bunch of ant poison into all the big ant nests we could find around here. Then I cleaned off the computer as best as I could and moved it to a new location. It’s been about 6 hours since I poisoned the ants and already there’s noticeably fewer ants walking around. Some of the ants I do see here and there look weak and disoriented and I’m sure it’s only a matter of time before they fall over and die. I feel really sad. Isn’t it so strange how I love my AntFarm™ ants so much and I wouldn’t ever do anything to harm them; yet these other ants, just because they don’t live in a small plastic container I felt like I had to kill them all? Other than the plastic container, I think actually all ants are the same.

~ pinky

I wanted to share with everybody an e-mail I received from crazy wolf (a.k.a. Wolfgang). It’s about my poisoning the ants the other day (April 2nd diary entry):

hello Pinky

about your ant problem [wild ants]
killing them is not the answer
using poison is an absolute ‘evil’
save our planet and yourself
by being what you teach

many ancient peoples have understood the inter[connectedness] of life on this jewel planet
they knew that to keep the undesired spirits away from the household or village
an offering had to be made
a recognition of the other
honoring the other
so
with regard to ants
the ancients made an offering of food [daily]
to their ant relatives
the offering was made in close proximity to the ants home[s]
but in a direction away from the village
this act of ‘life’
created harmony

Pinky
make peace not war

crazy wolf

After thinking about it for a while, I wrote him back:

Hi Wolfgang,

Thank you for your letter. The ant incident has been bothering my conscience a lot. I think using poison was a bad thing to do. When an emergency arises your first reaction or ’solution’ tells a lot about where your mind and heart is at. It made me sad that the only thing that I could think of at the time was that I had to kill all the ants. I wonder what I would have come up with if they were not ants but maybe tigers, owls, or something else. I certainly wouldn’t have tried to poison them. Anyway I thought it was wrong but then I also couldn’t think of an alternative. So thank you for writing me, I think it’s a very different kind of relationship with ants (and others) that you’re talking about. I will have to try this way of doing things and make an offering, but it’ll be just the one tentative step since it’s not like I deeply understand that way of being you describe.

You mention ‘ancient people’ and speak of this way of being in the past tense. Are there many people who are like this today or are they all gone? Are you someone who is like this?

Take care,
pinky

I’m very grateful that Bunny made us this website. We often receive very thought provoking e-mails and each one is like a mini-opportunity to learn from people from all over the world. One of the things that I’m having the most difficulty with is trying to imagine how to live a more respectful life on a day to day basis in this modern world. I hope Mr. crazy wolf writes back.

~ pinky

All of us go once a year to the doctor and today was Bunny’s turn. I don’t think any of us enjoy visiting Dr. Wendy even though on a personal level she is a nice person. Every visit involves a lot of poking, grabbing, shining bright lights in our eyes, and so on. But we go anyway because I guess it’s important to try to be healthy. That and going to the doctor the only way I know of where we can get heart worm medicine.

I don’t know exactly why but Bunny was SO cranky today and we all had to basically shove/drag her all the way to the doctor’s office (not easy since she is really strong!). And when she got there she also fought and struggled with Dr. Wendy and assistant, but of course they are much larger and stronger and have four hands and a towel to wrap her with, so Bunny eventually lost.

The most shocking part to me was when they washed out her ears - they were so dirty inside. Dr. Wendy says Bunny is being lazy and not grooming enough. I guess we will all be grooming more from now on. Next Friday is my turn, bleh. Not looking forward to that…

So anyway, when Bunny got home she went straight to grooming then right after that she went to sleep. It’s almost midnight and she’s still sleeping - all that excitement must have wore her out.

~ pinky

I was hoping Wolfgang/crazy wolf would write back, and he did. It’s a good e-mail - very helpful in explaining where he’s coming from, and I thought everyone would benefit from reading it and considering its implications (For those of you who missed what this is in regards to, please see the diary entries about ants - April 2 and 6):

dear Pinky

this is a very complex issue
in that our current hypermodern culture is disconnected in varying degrees from ‘feeling’
which can be stated as pitiless [read compassionless]
when I use the word ancient peoples
I could use the term ‘primitive peoples’
but I avoid that term because of the implied inferiority
ancient peoples understood that they were a part of a cosmos
one spirit among many
the idea was that everything was imbued with spirit
and that to act against anything without pity
was to invite catastrophe
pity compassion reverence are all roots of the same tree
hypermodernism has abandoned these roots
in other words ‘the roots of life’
in favor of the ‘right’ of the freedom of ‘aesthetic expression’
this freedom of aesthetic expression dominates both art and science
the ancients understood the importance of limits or taboos
their cosmology/mythology was full of stories about the consequences of transgressing these limits
the guiding principle could be expressed as an ‘aesthetics of pity’
our modern and hypermodern culture is clearly one of destruction
even if we were to remove from the critique mans inhumanity to man
consider that without reservation the wholesale destruction of hundreds of millions of living organisms when chemically spraying an acre field during food[?] production
the word production is an indicator of what is really transpiring
one example
there or countless others
so yes
there is another way of being here
a way that has been ‘intellectually’ neutered by those who inhabit the ivory towers of power
a way that would render this jewel planet a livable paradise for a million years into the future
a way that has been all but erased from our collective hypermodern consciousness

remember the Yoko Ono / John Lenon campaign
‘The War Is Over’
(if you want)

still true

some suggested reading
Wisdom Of The Mythtellers - Sean Kane
Spell Of The Sensuous - David Abram
Art and Fear - Paul Virilio

Pinky
consider pity [compassion]
almost everything that you post on your Pinky Show
speaks of the pitiful [full with compassion] or the pitiless [without compassion]
I do not see it as that big of a leap to perceive the entire cosmos from this perspective
including ants

as Thich Nhat Hanh expresses - PEACE IS EVERY STEP

crazy wolf

I need to study this further. I feel like I respect the perspective but I don’t want to just acknowledge this with words and then move on with my life unchanged.

~ pinky

Today was my turn to visit Dr. Wendy. The visit was short, maybe 20 minutes, because basically I’m pretty healthy. She gave me a shot and put me on the same heart worm medication that Bunny is on. The heart worm medication is about $50 for a 3 month supply for the two of us. All together our check-ups cost over $300. I think in the future we’re going to have to stagger our visits to the doctor because the way it is now, we both go at around the same time and then we are broke. I have no idea how we are going to pay for food and electricity next month. Our bank account is nearly empty and it’s interesting how that directly affects how much time we can spend on creating new episodes.

We need to do some fundraising. Maybe in the short term we can sell some t-shirts or cookies or something, but if we want to be able to keep working on The Pinky Show, eventually we’re going to have to do something more ambitious.

Fundraising idea #1: Bunny stands on a tall pole. You know who David Blaine is? A few years ago he stood on a 90 foot high pole (22 inches wide) for over 30 hours without eating or sleeping. At the end he jumped off into a pile of cardboard boxes. Scary. Well Bunny says she can stand on a pole twice as high as that (and narrower on top too) for even longer. I’m not crazy about this idea because I don’t know how we’d ever build a pole that large to stand on, and anyway, it just sounds too dangerous.

<– conceptual rendering (click for larger view)

Fundraising idea #2: I walk across the country, from Los Angeles to New York. I could bring a video camera and interview interesting people I meet along the way. I’ve always wanted to see this country from ‘up close’. Negative: I’m kind of worried about getting run over by a car or truck along the way.

Fundraising idea #3: Apply for grants. Not as exciting as #1 or #2 but also less likely to result in death.

I’m trying to remain optimistic that we’ll be able to find some kind of solution to our money problems fairly soon. Either that or this little experiment of ours is over.

~ pinky

Our computer server that holds the Pinky Show website crashed on Friday due to some kind of hardware malfunction. As you can see our website is now back online, but my last diary entry got lost. I got all grumpy because that entry was actually a long one and it took me a long time to write.

So anyway, just in case you missed it, here is a not-as-carefully-written summary (a.k.a. the “financial report”):

• After carefully reviewing our 2006 accounting records, Mimi has determined that The Pinky Show project is not financially sustainable. We either need to find a way to pay our bills or shut down.

• We currently have a small group of very generous individuals who have taken it upon themselves to keep The Pinky Show alive. But except for these donors, we basically receive no donations. Since launching this website the amount of visitors we receive has grown tremendously every month. However, comparing the site traffic data to donations records, Mimi estimates that more than 99.9% of our visitors don’t make donations. (yikes!) So although we do have a few very faithful supporters, we also haven’t come close to being able to sustain The Pinky Show through donations from the viewing public in general.

• Bunny is almost done with The Pinky Show Online Store. Not that we think we’re going to sell tons of t-shirts or posters or whatever; this is actually just something we wanted to do because we thought it’d be cool to have our own online store.

• Up till now we’ve been paying our bills by working various ’side jobs’ unrelated to The Pinky Show. For example, Bunny and I have worked with an independent publisher on a number of educational projects; Bunny has built a few websites for some non-profits, artists, and so on; I’ve done some photography & design work for various organizations; Mimi has been doing research and consulting on health-related issues; etc. All this stuff brings in some money but it’s also been taking away time from working on The Pinky Show. This is the main reason why we don’t release new episodes very often. Our long term goal is to be able to stop doing this stuff and dedicate 100% of our time to making new episodes. Eventually we want to be releasing a new episode every week. But in order to do that, first we have to figure out where funding for this project is going to come from.

• After much discussion, we’ve decided that the most promising option at the moment is to try to fund The Pinky Show through grants. So Mimi and I have spent the past several weeks doing a lot of grants research and writing; this will probably continue until our financial situation changes. Neither of us are particularly good grant writing, I hope we get better as we go along!

• Any time we have to work on Pinky Show stuff will be roughly divided 70/30: 70% of our time writing for grants and 30% of our time producing new episodes. At one point we even talked about the possibility of using 100% of our time to try to secure some kind of funding before proceeding. But in the end we decided that we really don’t want to let the website to become totally “dead”. So while we’ll still be making episodes, our output will drop off quite a bit (by about 70% I guess).

Hmm - I think that’s about it. For some reason I still feel pretty optimistic that one day The Pinky Show will find a broad enough audience that we’ll be able to work on this project full-time. We intend on keep on working on this until we either succeed, or receive some kind of clear message that there’s no audience out there willing to support this project. Making The Pinky Show is really fun, so of course I’m hoping that eventually we’ll be able to grow it into something permanent.

Sorry for the lousy report, I just don’t feel like writing the same post again, and anyway, my memory is not so good. Now back to grant writing for me and Mimi. That plus Bunny and I are getting close to finishing up another episode.

~ pinky