recently i made a drawing of a skull. i'm not sure exactly why i drew it - it was just a picture that i've been seeing in my head for the past few years.
to me, it's mostly a reminder to myself that i have a lot of things that i need to do and i better stay focused because you never know when you're going to drop dead. that's all. i sent it to my friend and she said something like "are you okay? there are so many dark thoughts in your head lately!" (this was news to me). she quoted nietzsche, "and if you gaze for long into the abyss, the abyss gazes into you".
i think i understand the meaning and usefulness of these kinds of statements. but i think maybe i also have a different relationship to the underside of things than what she is suggesting.
a lot of pinky show viewers send us e-mails, asking us why in our videos we usually don't offer some kind of resolution, provide a solution, or leave them with some feeling of hope. instead, they see our work as just a big pile of negative hopelessness. sometimes i feel like responding "well maybe that's your job, to figure out what you should do next. and emotionally, go feel any way you want, what does it have to do with me how you feel after you watch one of our videos?" i guess that probably sounds not-very-nice, but i just think it's too weird how people who claim to want a better world are often so unwilling to linger in discomfort of any kind. they just want hope! as bunny would say, "good luck with that".
what is it about so many social change people, that when you speak of loss and maybe even the absence of hope in some situations, they quickly try to steer you back towards hope? as if we shouldn't dare be without hope for even a moment; it is too dark and we will be eaten alive! really? are we sure this is a good way to look at things?
to me, it's important to remember that lots of people are engaged in personal or political struggles that they know they are going to lose. what is the role of hope then? can someone continue on, knowing full well that their side has been persevering, fighting, resisting but also mostly losing for the past 500 or 4000 years? are these people masochists? are their souls just heavy and dark? does strength or justice always come with rays of sunshine?
which i guess raises another question: is the pinky show for hopeless losers?
i say: "hmmm!!!" i realize hope is powerful and sustaining, but it is also only half of something. in many circumstances loss (and its many manifestations) just is what it is. personally i can't think of any good reason to avoid them. i just want to focus on fulfilling my obligations and if loss is a big part of that, okay. actually, i feel like loss is a very good teacher.
please take care,