This is the last day of 2012. Wow, what a lot of changes going on around here lately, sometimes I have a hard time keeping things sorted out. This is a time of many transitions for us.
Although Bunny's body is becoming weaker and developing new problems, her spirit continues to be very, very strong. Thank you to everybody who has sent her nice e-mail wishes. Lately however, she has become uninterested in blogging and is instead very focused on spending all her time preparing the rest of us for life without her. We realize now that she won't be able to finish the war toys project (150+ toys takes a really long time to crochet; she promises to finish them in her next life) so instead she has been working with me to put everything in place that will allow me to keep the Pinky Show moving forward after she is gone. We've developed new workflows for everything but there is still a thousand small loose ends that need attending to.
Probably the biggest single thing that we have been working on is trying to develop something that will help sustain the Pinky Show financially. Over the years we have seen so many great projects that we really respect slowly fall apart or stop entirely because of lack of funding. We don't want to be like that too. It's been difficult running the Pinky Show on donations alone but for many reasons we are also not interested in charging people for information, adding advertising to our website, chasing grants, and so on. So after much research and discussion Bunny and I have decided to take a big step and create a side business that will be organized and run according to our own values. Hopefully it will generate enough money to keep our educational programming going. I'm sure it will be difficult though; personally I seem to have a problem with money - don't like it, don't want it, don't want to even talk or think about it. But I have been working very hard to change my attitude, because if I don't, I'm sure the Pinky Show will eventually disappear like so many others. We will unveil this new parallel project during the Spring.
Bunny is almost finished with re-making the Pinky Show website. This will be version 3.0. It looks nice, and it will work a lot better.
The past few weeks Kim has been helping me clean up around here. Everyday we do a little bit together. So 2013 will start out a little tidier than years past. It was a real struggle to get myself to clean up because I have been feeling more depressed the past few months. Things were getting pretty out of control - thank goodness for Kim's energy otherwise this place would still be filthy. Actually now it is not so bad.
I am feeling a complicated mix of emotions at the moment. I continue to be amazed by Bunny's strength and focus. Sometimes I feel like giving up but deep down I know everything is going to be okay. I am trying to concentrate on what needs to be done and I hear Daisy's voice in my head: "Fulfill your obligations!" So right now it is infrastructure work, which I understand is necessary to make the Pinky Show stronger and more meaningful. Bunny and I feel like we have an obligation to make the Pinky Show survive long-term because, 1) we do believe that our work is important; and 2) we also believe that it is too easy to do a project for a short time but then give up on it and then re-assimilate into the dominant system when it gets too hard to continue. If we can really figure out a way to keep the Pinky Show going long-term, then we will be able to say, okay, look, it really _is_ possible for a small-scale, independent project to sustain itself, and here is a nice example! We have always had difficulty trying to convince people that dropping out of the system and making your own future is anything more than just a nice-sounding-but-ultimately-unrealistic idea. Maybe if we can make the Pinky Show into a tiny but concrete example of how it can be done, maybe deciding to take on this kind of weird life-work might seem a little less scary? I'm not sure. This all continues to be an experiment.
I wish everyone reading this my sincerest best wishes for a good 2013. My love to you all,
NOTE FROM BUNNY: Pinky is really good at talking about me like I am already dead. Obviously I'm going to die but then who knows, you might die before you even finish reading this sentence. (Still here? That's how I feel.) I have all kinds of things that I am still working on, some with Pinky or Kim, some by myself. I (or someone else) will post them later. A few years ago I came across these words by the Shawnee leader Tecumseh. Perhaps you have seen these words before.
"Live your life that the fear of death can never enter your heart.
Trouble no one about his religion.
Respect others in their views and demand that they respect yours.
Love your life, perfect your life, beautify all things in your life.
Seek to make your life long and of service to your people.
Prepare a noble death song for the day when you go over the great divide.
Always give a word or sign of salute when meeting or passing a friend, or even a stranger, if in a lonely place.
Show respect to all people, but grovel to none.
When you rise in the morning, give thanks for the light, for your life, for your strength.
Give thanks for your food and for the joy of living.
If you see no reason to give thanks, the fault lies in yourself.
Touch not the poisonous firewater that makes wise ones turn to fools and robs their spirit of its vision.
When your time comes to die, be not like those whose hearts are filled with fear of death, so that when their time comes they weep and pray for a little more time to live their lives over again in a different way.
Sing your death song, and die like a hero going home."
I wish you all a happy new year. Tomorrow is my birthday. I will be 12 years old.